power

tonight it feels as though our recourse
may have thinned. tonight it feels as if
ugly distance has shortened. tonight
all metaphors wobble as flimsy tin
warble tin. tonight backed time up and
reminded me it isn't supposed to feel
like this. tonight was a feeling afraid.
tonight i am a coil electric and racing
and connected unexpectedly to ports
i picked on a map. clear skies tonight.
good sailing weather. nautical themes -
ugh. but no other way to catch turmoil of
tonight i want to leave someone for good.
tonight i know why. tonight. tonight
i almost picked up my cell phone and
called why. tonight and wide awake. i
mentored a heartache assertively,
said 'things are better when they're
backwards anyway,' said 'which of
these arrows points backwards?'
>-----------------0--------------------<
said 'whichever one points the way
you've never, ever been!' said 'you
have never been daring, always
conservative, always relegating
your verse to neat little columns
and adhering to the safest of old
patterns and motifs -- mature fence
boy is not safe from the judgmental
brigade. prepare yourself.' tonight
i almost picked up the house phone and
called gertrude stein. tonight i raged on
an incredibly anxious insomniac daze
that knows exactly what to do and
is doctoring circumstances and is
being dishonest with me and you and
is putting her and her and others at risk
and all for more ell oh vee eee that i
might not understand one bit anyway
TONIGHT TONIGHT OHHHH BABY
tonight i am prone to sudden outbursts
such as these. tonight i withheld deep
emotional lashing-outs not once, not
twice, but three times; sign me up for
the competitions, i can slug it out with
the best of them! said 'are you listening
in class? who cares about your lousy
feelings? banal angst of a mind-whore.
elicit some sympathy!' why the fuck can't
i fall asleep? i would much rather sleep.
i don't even want to write this poem.
i don't even want to write this poem.
said 'what did we just tell you?' said
'we thought you heard your professor
say not to repeat lines like that.' but
it will be a repeat line whether it is
appreciated or not. the results will be
different next time. the interpretation
will be different by another reader (what
would she have said if i called her?
'darryl i need to sleep, i have work in
the morning.' it's ok. i understand.) said
'ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha' tonight i nearly said the
lot of it but tomorrow might be better.
the sun is coming up.
i should have called -
i don't think you'd have minded, and
we should really chat more at six a.m.
we should no longer be afraid of the daytime